Dear Toilet,
How are you? Honestly? Do you wish you were another brand? or had a wider base?
What about the people that sit on you? Too fat, too skinny? Tell me about it.
To be honest, I've never written a letter to a toilet before, but we do new things every day. For example, you might take a spider wrapped up in toilet paper. Speaking of toilet paper. How are you two? I hope you're working things out. Honestly, cheating on him with the plunger probably wasn't the best idea. I mean, I knew you weren't flushing right, but c'mon! The plunger? Nevermind.
I don't have many positive things to say about that one. I just can't stand seeing you flush away what you have with toilet paper. For heavens sakes. Can't you tell that the plunger gets around? I mean, no offense but he's kind of a player. He hits up all the other toilets in the house. I just.. I don't get it, just because he has a stick he thinks he can just go around and 'help out' the other toilets in the house. Whatever.. stupid players. I mean plungers.
Now I'm feeling angry, so I hope you have a nice day. Try not to get 'clogged' this week.
Sincerely,
Soap in the Shower
P.S. You're looking kind of dirty.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
You.
The iPod doesn't lie. When in doubt, put it on shuffle.
Dear You,
How are you? I hate small talk.
You, what about you?
When I think of you, what do I think of?
Sunshines, and butterflies, and rainbows?
No.
Not exactly.
I think about jealousy, passion, and what teenagers call 'love'.
It's riding a roller coaster, you are.
Not literally, pervert. But emotionally, you're 'Wicked'.
You, I can't stop thinking about you now.
I want you out, please.
Actually, since you're here.
Stay, have a cup of hot cocoa.
It is kind of chilly out.
I miss you.
But, that'll be our little secret.
You put me in a vertigo, each and every day.
I like not knowing which way is up.
Because, I'm thinking about you.
And that's all that matters.
Have a nice day.
Yours truly, Ralph.
Dear You,
How are you? I hate small talk.
You, what about you?
When I think of you, what do I think of?
Sunshines, and butterflies, and rainbows?
No.
Not exactly.
I think about jealousy, passion, and what teenagers call 'love'.
It's riding a roller coaster, you are.
Not literally, pervert. But emotionally, you're 'Wicked'.
You, I can't stop thinking about you now.
I want you out, please.
Actually, since you're here.
Stay, have a cup of hot cocoa.
It is kind of chilly out.
I miss you.
But, that'll be our little secret.
You put me in a vertigo, each and every day.
I like not knowing which way is up.
Because, I'm thinking about you.
And that's all that matters.
Have a nice day.
Yours truly, Ralph.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Honey-Do List
You have been given direct orders to rock out.
Rock out like it's Halloween night, and you've got your Superman suit on, with your empty bag and a mindset to say "trick-or-treat" as many times as you can. Rock out like it's the last day of school, the biggest game of your life, like you just got an 'A' on your math test.
Rock out like you just filled your pillowcase with candy, like you just won the State championship, like you had the highest score in the class.
Rock out like she said 'yes'.
Rock out like you got all 7 digits this time.
Rock out like you just got paid. And yes, it's time for the money dance.
Rock out like you're black and you're proud.
Rock out like James Brown did while singing that song.
Rock out like you just found out that 2Pac, Biggie, and Michael Jackson are actually just chillin' in Tahiti.
Rock out like they didn't die.
Rock out because of what they did.
Rock out like you've got nothing but a chair, the sand, the ocean, a pretty girl, a notebook, a pen, and a cool glass of strawberry lemonade.
Rock out like Happy Gilmore when he finds his 'Happy Place'.
Rock out like the streets are empty, and all you want is to dance with your girl.
Rock out like you finally kissed the girl.
Rock out like you just hiked Mt Everest, and you're staring off the back edge gazing at the rest of the world.
Rock out like today is the last day of your life,
you just don't know it yet.
Rock out like it's Halloween night, and you've got your Superman suit on, with your empty bag and a mindset to say "trick-or-treat" as many times as you can. Rock out like it's the last day of school, the biggest game of your life, like you just got an 'A' on your math test.
Rock out like you just filled your pillowcase with candy, like you just won the State championship, like you had the highest score in the class.
Rock out like she said 'yes'.
Rock out like you got all 7 digits this time.
Rock out like you just got paid. And yes, it's time for the money dance.
Rock out like you're black and you're proud.
Rock out like James Brown did while singing that song.
Rock out like you just found out that 2Pac, Biggie, and Michael Jackson are actually just chillin' in Tahiti.
Rock out like they didn't die.
Rock out because of what they did.
Rock out like you've got nothing but a chair, the sand, the ocean, a pretty girl, a notebook, a pen, and a cool glass of strawberry lemonade.
Rock out like Happy Gilmore when he finds his 'Happy Place'.
Rock out like the streets are empty, and all you want is to dance with your girl.
Rock out like you finally kissed the girl.
Rock out like you just hiked Mt Everest, and you're staring off the back edge gazing at the rest of the world.
Rock out like today is the last day of your life,
you just don't know it yet.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Life, and Death.
The other day, I heard an interesting concept.
We die.
One day, we're all gonna die. So, why is everyone so timid?
One day, we're all gonna die.
So, starting today what am I going to do?
Live.
Life is a beautiful thing. There's so much to do, so many things to see, so many people to meet.
And yet, most of the world is stuck in their little cubicle staring at a computer screen playing solitare.
Then one day, they're going to have a super bad day. It'll be snowing.. no raining outside and on the commute home they're going to get an a car accident, and then...
they're dead. Gone forever.
So, who knows? Death could be at my own doorstep. I never realized this, but I could die on my way home from school. A simple 2.2 miles, I've driven over 1,000 times.
I don't want to die today. I didn't even get to hug my mom goodnight, it was a simple 'Goodnight mom, love you' from 20 feet away then I crawled back to the basement. I never want to miss another night, I love you, mom.
If I did die tomorrow, I know that I'ld die happy. I would like to think that people would miss me, but who knows? I never want to miss another opportunity again. An opportunity to help, to love, to simply say hi. Life seems to fly by way too fast, and can be taken away all too easy.
So, "pray about everything, worry about nothing".
You'll be good, just live without regret.
Learn from the past, and don't hold onto it, too tightly.
We die.
One day, we're all gonna die. So, why is everyone so timid?
One day, we're all gonna die.
So, starting today what am I going to do?
Live.
Life is a beautiful thing. There's so much to do, so many things to see, so many people to meet.
And yet, most of the world is stuck in their little cubicle staring at a computer screen playing solitare.
Then one day, they're going to have a super bad day. It'll be snowing.. no raining outside and on the commute home they're going to get an a car accident, and then...
they're dead. Gone forever.
So, who knows? Death could be at my own doorstep. I never realized this, but I could die on my way home from school. A simple 2.2 miles, I've driven over 1,000 times.
I don't want to die today. I didn't even get to hug my mom goodnight, it was a simple 'Goodnight mom, love you' from 20 feet away then I crawled back to the basement. I never want to miss another night, I love you, mom.
If I did die tomorrow, I know that I'ld die happy. I would like to think that people would miss me, but who knows? I never want to miss another opportunity again. An opportunity to help, to love, to simply say hi. Life seems to fly by way too fast, and can be taken away all too easy.
So, "pray about everything, worry about nothing".
You'll be good, just live without regret.
Learn from the past, and don't hold onto it, too tightly.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Not now.
I walk alone.
This is all I seem to know.
Countless steps I've taken.
Down this godforsaken road.
I walk alone. The wind is bursting, the rain isn't just falling, but pouring.
I hang my head, just to walk alone.
All,
alone.
Walking, taking each step
like I've never done this before.
On my feet, is a road
and on the road, is me.
Peering, I see people.
All huddled together,
breathing as one.
Faces blank.
My sopping mop covers my eyes,
as their eyes stare at mine.
Diappointment is all they see of me.
But they dont know my side of the story.
Buildings are broken, windows shattered.
Cars - torched.
Not a thing in sight that is worth a dime.
Why keep going?
Because maybe, just maybe.
She'll call.
The same scene flashes in front of me -
I fall upon one knee,
gaze up in her eyes,
pop the question,
pull out the ring,
and just like a hammer hitting a nail,
I got put in the ground.
I walk alone.
I walk alone.
The world goes dark, as my eyes shut.
I keep walking, it's all I know now.
I walk alone.
I walk alone.
This is all I seem to know.
Countless steps I've taken.
Down this godforsaken road.
I walk alone. The wind is bursting, the rain isn't just falling, but pouring.
I hang my head, just to walk alone.
All,
alone.
Walking, taking each step
like I've never done this before.
On my feet, is a road
and on the road, is me.
Peering, I see people.
All huddled together,
breathing as one.
Faces blank.
My sopping mop covers my eyes,
as their eyes stare at mine.
Diappointment is all they see of me.
But they dont know my side of the story.
Buildings are broken, windows shattered.
Cars - torched.
Not a thing in sight that is worth a dime.
Why keep going?
Because maybe, just maybe.
She'll call.
The same scene flashes in front of me -
I fall upon one knee,
gaze up in her eyes,
pop the question,
pull out the ring,
and just like a hammer hitting a nail,
I got put in the ground.
I walk alone.
I walk alone.
The world goes dark, as my eyes shut.
I keep walking, it's all I know now.
I walk alone.
I walk alone.
Friday, September 9, 2011
I'm Thinking About You.
As I stare at this blank piece of paper before me,
the only thing I really want to see -
Is the sight of you in my eye,
because my mind just won't justify.
I'm thinking about you.
I'm thinking about you like crazy,
like Jamaican ladies think about braiding,
or skaters think about skating,
like the sun thinks of the sky,
or every penguins desire to fly.
I'm thinking about you like hammers think of nails,
or skates think of rails.
I'm thinking of you like birds think of worms
or a lawer about his firm.
I'm thinking of you like the desert thinks of rain,
or the insane think about being sane.
I'm thinking about you like a square wishes it could be a circle.
I'm thining of you like pens think about paper,
and people think about paper.
And I don't want to stop writing this paper,
because I'm thinking of you.
I'm thinking of you like rock thinks of roll,
like Mary Kate thinks of Ashley.
I'm thinking of you like kids think of summer,
or cops think of robbers.
I'm thinking of you like summer thinks of winter,
or boats think of hoes.
I'm thinking of you like shampoo thinks of conditioner,
or ears think of... being a good listener.
I'm thinking about you like you wouldn't believe,
now my question is...
Are you thinking of me?
the only thing I really want to see -
Is the sight of you in my eye,
because my mind just won't justify.
I'm thinking about you.
I'm thinking about you like crazy,
like Jamaican ladies think about braiding,
or skaters think about skating,
like the sun thinks of the sky,
or every penguins desire to fly.
I'm thinking about you like hammers think of nails,
or skates think of rails.
I'm thinking of you like birds think of worms
or a lawer about his firm.
I'm thinking of you like the desert thinks of rain,
or the insane think about being sane.
I'm thinking about you like a square wishes it could be a circle.
I'm thining of you like pens think about paper,
and people think about paper.
And I don't want to stop writing this paper,
because I'm thinking of you.
I'm thinking of you like rock thinks of roll,
like Mary Kate thinks of Ashley.
I'm thinking of you like kids think of summer,
or cops think of robbers.
I'm thinking of you like summer thinks of winter,
or boats think of hoes.
I'm thinking of you like shampoo thinks of conditioner,
or ears think of... being a good listener.
I'm thinking about you like you wouldn't believe,
now my question is...
Are you thinking of me?
Friday, September 2, 2011
Love is...
Love is a gamble. Love is a secret. Love is a bottomless drink. Love is an spending all of your time. Love is a fat kid lusting for cake. Love is a day skiing. Love is when you were five, without a care in the world. Love is a box with no expiration date. Love is a roller coaster. Love is that person who keeps coming to mind while I'm writing this post. Love is a clock. Love is just a game with no winner or loser, just a desire to keep playing. Love is Friday (everyone can't wait for it, but once it gets there, you don't know what to do with it). Love is 'my drug.' Love is the reason why we live, die, and do stupid things. "Love is the answer to most of the questions in my heart" - Jack Johnson. Love is a box of chocolates. Love is a Disney movie. Love is a fight. Love is underrated. Love, is love.
- Love is the word which can be described but never DEFINED.
- Love, a crazy, stupid, simple, four letter word.
- "Love is a green stop sign. Love is trying to learn colors in the dark." - K. Nelson
- Love is the word which can be described but never DEFINED.
- Love, a crazy, stupid, simple, four letter word.
- "Love is a green stop sign. Love is trying to learn colors in the dark." - K. Nelson
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